Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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