life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
