did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
