drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
