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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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