Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
