She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
