Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
