a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
