And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize