I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
