Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
