peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was like eating out sand paper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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