No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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