I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
