so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
