Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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