I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
