He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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