so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
