I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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