I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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