He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize