So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize