I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
