Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
