Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
