Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize