Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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