its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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