Jerry, you need to find god
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
