im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
