3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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