Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
