WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
