If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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