i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
