All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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