he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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