I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
