she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
