I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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