I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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