Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize