I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
