Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
