Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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