I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
