found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
