If that was your dad, he is hot
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
