Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
