About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
