Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
