I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
