soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Even my vagina gasped.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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