hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
