She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
