I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we're so committed to being not committed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
