Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
