ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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