we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Operation Purity has been aborted
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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