my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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