I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
jump out the window naked night went bad
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