Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
