if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
