My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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