Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
