i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
