i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
